Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
