Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
