I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
