The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
