I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
