Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
