AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
