I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
