and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
