Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
