so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
