Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Found the puke drawer
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
