that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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