there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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