My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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