worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
