gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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