This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
