im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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