Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
