I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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