bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
