I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
