Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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