I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
