I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
