All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
