I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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