She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
