I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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