We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
