do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
