A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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