hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
where does the pee come out of this thing
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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