remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
