She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
