So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
