well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
