btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
