sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
