ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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