My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
