I got chris browned last night
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
