Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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