Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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