It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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