How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
