So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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