Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
