What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
