at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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