She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
