tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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