It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
